Why do we exist?  How are we existing?  I have so many questions about the world, but no one can answer them.  Sure there are "good enough" answers, but they're just there to sedate our fears. 
The unknown can be known, if only we stopped looking for the answers through science, and god forbid- RELIGION.  We need to look within ourselves and the answer will be told via our gut/ heart/ brain.  You think I'm fucking around?  No I am not.
Nonphysical thoughts have been drifting through my head lately.  I wish they would stop, but what else would I think about then?  My hair?  My makeup?  My body?  What others think of me?  Those fucking thoughts and then some have put me through the ringer.  I'm just me.  Sure I may be losing weight, but do I care?  Fuck no.  Will I care?  Who knows.  It's been lately, if one thing is going good, something else is going wrong.  So do I care in the future?  My gut says yes, but my mind says FUCK NO.
Off to blab on a paper.  FML. 
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Today feels good.  I don't know why.  But my heart is pumping blood, my lungs are breathing, everything is going good.  I think my life is changing for the better, I just want to jump up and down and hug everyone.  I think what I am feeling is happiness, which is foreign to me.  I like being happy.  Hope everyone has a good day, and your life...  You make your life, so if you want it to be good, you gotta make it happen. 


Black Canvas

Hello, hello non-existing journal readers!  What to inform you since my last post, which was like... 2 weeks ago.  Uhmm, what is new with me...  NOTHING.  School has started for me, and I could not be more UGH about all of it.  School is just so boring, and really the only joy I get from the damn place is my 2 history classes, which is only because I think they are amazing and I understand what the fuck is going on.  I just want to just take HISTORY CLASSES, 24/7!  That is it.  No math classes, no science, NO OTHER CLASSES.  I feel that with the math and science classes, it's just a HUGE waste of my time.  A HUGE BLAH!  Time that can be used for history classes, since that is my major: History.  What does math and science have to do with History?  No, really truly, what do the damn subjects have to do with the best subject out there!?  I know I'm HUGELY biased, since I am a History major, but really though, some math major is probably thinking the same thing as me, "Why the fuck am I taking this History class, this english class?  They have nothing to do with MATH!"   UGH!  It's so frustrating, especially since math and science are my WORST SUBJECTS!  So I have to actually try to pass these classes.... MAHHHH!  X_X  I also, can not stand this damn school.  UGH.  CSM is the worst.  I seriously, can not wait to transfer out of this shit hole and go to an actual Uni. and feel important.

UGH, I am way to bitchy today.  MAH! 

Oh, by birthday was exactly a week ago.  I am now 19.  :D  What did I get for that most blessed day?  A Blue Sparkly Shower Cap and headbands and Chanel nail polish from my WONDERFUL BROTHER!  From the parents and little sister I got: A book , a weird witch sign...., and a NEW IPOD!  GAHHHHHHH!  That is what I am MOST excited about!  It's a nano, that's blue and sexy, and ughhhh!  It's 8 gigs, and I am just so happy with it.  It was an Ace 19th!  :D  But one thing that happened on Wednesday was REALLY REALLY SCARY!  My dog went to the vet and the vet was thinking that my dog may have had a Tumor on his front, left paw.  SO obviously, since I love that dog, my day wasn't THAT GREAT.  But we found out last Sunday that he doesn't have a Tumor and what he had on his poor poor paw was a Cyst.  Or something like that....  Sorry.  So it isn't "life-threatening" and he's doing GREAT!  My dog that is.  :D 

Well I feel like I may have over-whelmed my invisible audience enough today.  Goodbye and Peace!
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    Say Hey (I Love You)- Michael Franti & Spearhead
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I don't feel good.  I just watch a bit of something that makes me ill....
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Fleet Foxes- A Healthy Music Obsession

Fleet Foxes
What YOU really should be listening to


I became enamoured with the Fleet Foxes about a year ago.  My friend kindly.....  legally sent me a CD of theirs on aim.  At first, I do have to say, they really weren't my cup of Chi.  But around that time I just got into the fantastic series The Tudors and if you know ANYTHING about The Tudors, its about a little dynasty in England that was started in the late 1400's and ended in the early 1600's.  It began with Henry VII and ended with Elizabeth I.  Any of this ringing a bell?  Ok, ok, Henry VII you may not know so well.. Well there's his son, Henry VIII- that fat, angry, wife killing dude?  Does that ring any type of bell in your brain?  So assuming you know what the hell I am talking about, The Tudors, is this little show that is currently filming it's 4th season over across the pond in Ireland.  It stars Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Henry VIII.  So what the hell does the Fleet Foxes have to do with The Tudors?  Well since last summer when I watched the first season, over and over again, quite obsessively really, every time the Fleet Foxes would come up on my ipod/ itunes, The Tudors would pop into my head.  You see?  So maybe you have to listen to the Fleet Foxes and watch an Ep. of The Tudors to maybe get an idea of what I am talking about, or how I became a huge Fleet Foxes' fan. 

To be truthful, I don't know that much about the band, I just listen to their music.  It's a shame that I don't do more research into this amazing band.  I don't even know their names, BUT I do know what they look like....  SEXY BEARDS!  :D  And so as I grew up- moved from Aaron Carter to Jason Mraz (<-- He's Super Sexy, like I literally go weak at the knees everytime I listen to him.....)- my taste in music has changed and matured, just as my taste in men has matured- hello, Aaron Carter?  Oh hello, Jason Mraz....  *swoon* I don't need to know EVERYTHING there is to know about my favorite entertainers- be it from actors to musicans to news anchors.   Although I see them everywhere from Movie Screens, TV Screens, Computer Screens, I don't have that strange obsession I had in the 90's when the Backstreet Boys, N*Sync, etc. were so HUGE.  Or we can just fast forward to 2009- Jonas Brothers.  Ew.  I'm sorry but PLEASE HOLD IT, them boys ain't virgins.  So back to the topic: the Fleet Foxes, I am obsessed with their music.  Not them as humans, although I bet they are some real chill guys, I mean all men I know that have beards are some of the most chill guys EVER.  I have no idea where I am going with this little blog thingy, but I've been listening to Fleet Foxes all day and I just wanted to talk about them, and I, yeah.  :D  If your a virgin to the Fleet Foxes and you are fully prepared to lose that virginity, then I think you should start with these select songs that I selected for you to lose your Fleet Foxes's virginity: White Winter Hymal (I almost orgasm everytime when I listen to this song), Ragged Wood, Tiger Mountain Peasant Song, Heard Them Stirring, Oliver James, Sun Giant, and English House.  There are other songs that are amazing, heck all their songs are worthy to be loved, but I think these ones will set you well on your way down the "LOVE FLEET FOXES OMFG" road.  ;D

Phoebe in Wonderland

Wow, what a wonderful, wonderful story.  Just finished watching it.  Wow.

It's about a little girl named Phoebe.  She's different than her classmates.  Her parents are both writers and her mother in fact is writing a book on Alice In Wonderland.  Phoebe is different, like I said, she curses, spits, and compulsively counts things that she does; for ex. washing her hands a certain number of times.  This movie was very sweet and saddening.  Different is suppose to be good, we as children were taught that it's ok to be different, but in reality, we've learned that NO it is not ok to be different.  Phoebe is basically tormented by the "normalise" of the world around her, and her only solace is on the stage, playing in the school play as Alice.  (The play is obviously Alice in Wonderland with a little Into The Looking Glass).  Phoebe goes through trial after trial of different kinds of abuse, and her differences are becoming more and more apparent to her mother.  Towards the end of the movie- after jumping off the catwalk and shouting out during a ballet, Phoebe's mother puts twoandtwo together and what Phoebe has is Gilles de la Tourette syndrome. 
"Gilles de la Tourette syndrome. It's a beautiful name I think. I was born with it. Starting now. It'll get worse before it gets better. My shoulders, my fingers, and imitating. Spitting. It's a voice in your head that makes you do the opposite of what you're supposed to. It makes you break rules. But sometimes breaking rules is good. So I like to think about it that way."  The movie ends beautifully, Phoebe and her co-stars put on the play....  This is a must see, you can either get it at Target (where I first saw it and I'm going to get it now) and/or your local movie rental. 


"If Someone Looks Like A Man, It's Not Their Fault Their Insecure."

Truer words never spoken.  This was said by Vegas, aka Tina, from Real Chance of Love 2.  Bitch was mean, and an instigator, she deserved to get punched in her damn forehead, oh and get kicked out for instigating an equally crazy bitch.  So I learned something...  Don't go on a Romance Reality Show, it always ends like this,
"if you're going to bring the STD's you better bring the condom."

That last link is Doctors Without Borders.  I think you should click it.  It's a good cause. 


My Life

Where I have been?  Well I just got home from NY, visiting family and whatnot.  I saw Harry Potter (FINALLY) and it was pretty amazing.  Although I do have to say...  Dumbordore's death wasn't as sad as I thought it was going to be.  I mean, when I had read the book I BAWLED.  But the movie...  I didn't even tear up...  Strange...  But overall the movie was good.  I didn't find much to complain about other than the scene where the Weasley's family home was destroyed by the death eaters.  WTF?  Now, that NEVER happened in ANY of the books, but if the writers just HAD to blow  up the house, they should have blown it up in the last movie or the first of the last...  Errr..  Whatever.  I just found it odd. 
When I got home yesterday I went and saw BRUNO.  HOLY FUCK.  It was insane and I just LOVED IT.  There were definite moments where I felt kinda, "Awwwkkkwarrrd", but it was just amazingly (uhhh) insane.  LOL.  I want MORE.  But I'm worried for Sasha Baron Cohen...  He's going to get hurt....  Eeee! 

A Twitter Question

@TomFelton wanted to know how to make Marshmallows, I found the answer! 

  • 1/2 cup (125 ml) cold water
  • 3 envelopes (21 g, or about 3 Tablespoons) unflavored gelatin
  • 2/3 cups (157 ml) corn syrup
  • 2 cups (400 g) granulated sugar
  • 1/4 cup (62 ml) water
  • 1/4 teaspoon (1.5 g) salt
  • 1 to 3 tablespoons (15 to 45 ml) vanilla extract or other flavorings (try amaretto, grand marnier, or almond extract)
  • 2 cups (240 g) powdered sugar
  • Corn flour (cornstarch)
  • Confectioner's sugar (powdered sugar)
  • Food colorings (optional)

(Found this at , this is pretty legit since 2 (?) yrs ago I found a recipe on how to make Victorian Sponge Cake, and it was DAMN good, if I do say so myself ;D ) 

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